Up date on Scott

Facing more treatments...

2010-09-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

Last week Scott had a MRI that showed numerous tumors have shrunk, were they could actually count up to twelve still in the brain. It also revealed one tumor has grown from 9.3 mm to 12.5 mm, this tumor is in a highly sensitive area where they are planning to treat with Cyber Knife. He will also undergo more chemotherapy starting Tuesday, September 14th, much of this is wearing on Scott as he is drained of energy but he continues to say "He will do what is necessary to be here for his wife and children."

Scott has show such strength as we have witnessed the affects of chemo! The kids call him there "Hero", I wonder how he does it! So often after a treatment he feels flu like symptoms and will be "out of it for days!" What is remarkable is as soon as he can he feels a little strength he is up to tackle some task, like mowing the lawn or cleaning and organizing a room or taking the kids to one of there events, only to face with in a day or two more chemo.

He doesn't think of himself, he is always wondering what he can do to help our life be better. He fights to surrender so that we don't have such a burden if he were to pass. Scott has stated how much he loves our family and that he doesn't want us to have to suffer. He hates the fact that we are taking care of him, I suppose this is also deep with in a man that instinct to provide for his family.

I have found much more peace in all of this where last year I felt as if I was falling apart and what scarred me most was how would I handle it if I were to lose my husband? I do in some sense feel as if are dreams are lost or should I say the dreams we have, but in some ways we now have bigger dreams and that is for a miracle. We can never give up that hope!

We are surrounded by very loving family & friends with the same hope that we have and we appreciate all the love that we have been shown by others, like taking our children out, or a dinner here or there, or words of comfort, the list goes on and on. We appreciate some of the agencies that have paid for our utilities to remain on and family members who have paid for our van to be fixed when we had no transportation.

This past August "Dream Foundation" raised enough money for our family to get to the 2010 Family Fest at Catholic Familyland, where one of their beneficiaries had already paid for our cabin. It would have been horrible to miss out. Two weeks before we had no idea how we would go, with a car broken down and no way to pay for the gas then suddenly everything worked out and we were able to go and enjoy the week as a family. Our granddaughter Lorelei was able to go with us too, which made the week even better.

Again thank you everyone for your loving support!

Carrie

Home - Faith Hope & Love Cancer Benefit

2010-09-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share the website our oldest daughter, Katie has created for Scott & our family.
She put together a benefit last year in September that helped us pay for medicine, medical bills & our household bills so that
I could focus on caring for Scott and our four children.

Home - Faith Hope & Love Cancer Benefit

With great appreciation for the love, concern and prayers that we have received.

Carrie

Delayed but that might be just what we needed...

2010-01-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

Scott’s procedure was cancelled minutes before beginning the surgeon was called to the emergency room. Looks like Monday morning 9:00, some what relieved as his pain medication just kicked in today hated to see him go through more. Tuesday chemo is scheduled still.

We have the weekend to rest up and we will certainly do that! Thank you for your prayers and concerns.

Carrie

2010-01-20T18:48:00.000-08:00

Scott is getting a portal tomorrow since his veins can no longer handle chemo, the procedure will take about one to one half hours, then he will be in recovery for an hour or two, after that he will come home. Tuesday he should begin the chemo which the doctors say will shrink the tumors for comfort I will try to get more posted here tonight.

Better News...

2010-01-15T17:17:00.001-08:00

Just heard from Scott's oncologist...the tumors are NOT in his spinal fluid...the treatments will be four rounds of chemo with eight days in between each dose...they will do another MRI after this round...so thankful for the better news here...

Stepping back

2010-01-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday Scott was admitted to SLU (St. Louis University), with the intentions to get samples of spinal fluid and inject chemo/steroids into the flow of fluids. They also had informed us that they would be waiting for a team of Neurologist to insert a reservoir into his brain and puncture a whole through the skull to have access for medication to keep the tumors down. I was given the report from the MRI's and something that kept jumping out to me was how it was written saying these small spots were suspicious.

Scott's attitude was great saying what ever it takes, as we questioned how risky these procedures where we got shrugging shoulders from the oncologist as I would reply what he has is much more risky. In the afternoon one of the oncologist on staff came in with an intern to get the spinal fluid, they did this at his bedside, as I held Scott's hand, I heard them say "we have enough now let's get the needle out" My reply was have you injected them medicine? The two doctors looked at one another surprised and said "we haven't confirmed these are cancer cells. From that moment on I couldn't help but think WHY his oncologist would tell us it is so important to get the steroids and chemo going to shrink the tumors. Even trying to sleep this was heavily on my thoughts. Along with WHY does he have to stay in the hospital to wait for a few days till the team comes together for the reservoir to be inserted? My mission on Thursday was to advocate for Scott and get to the hospital as soon as possible.

Thursday morning I put in a call to speak to his oncologist was told he was on his floor, so I ran to the hospital. Two blocks from there I received a phone call from my "spiritual mother" who said she woke this morning turned on EWTN and there was a show all about terminal cancer patients being held by the intercession of a Priest, she said don't you give up you need to storm the heavens, you need to get everyone praying that GWEN CONIKER will heel him, you need you children to pick up her cards as often as possible and I will start emailing the Apostolate and as many members as I can, I told her how I had a stake full of second class relics from Gwen with me to leave at Scott's bedside. My sister called while entering the hospital and I sat across from the gigantic statue of St. Louis, hearing her words as she too wanted me to know that they are praying and asking intercession, once she heard what Jackie had told me she too was going to the Apostolate site to download Gwen's prayer card and email it to everyone she knows.

When I walked into she Scott I was so full of renewed hope, amazing how the spirit of hope can give on such strength I gave him such a hopeful kiss with a big smile and he smiled back with hopeful eyes, nothing was mentioned about what I had just heard. I then made the call to the head nurse that we are very confused about the treatments we were told and we would like to speak to Dr. Reimers about this. She let us know that he would be in shortly. Scott then told me that Dr. Benidictine Bereno was going to do the procedure but he had clinic that day and would let him know when he would be there, so then I just figured he would get to it by that afternoon or that morning. I told Scott what Jackie had said and that we must move forward with getting him baptized, he informed me that he already spoke with Monsignor from our Parish. Then I told him all the rest that she said and he let me know that he too felt that way.

We rested and visited with his room mate as his room mate started telling me what he had I couldn't believe it! He had the exact disease that Gwen had, Hepatitis that turned to Siroccos then cancer, it made me pull out her card I explained to him how Saints go through a beatification that they need three miracles, I explained that even though we all believe Mother Teresa was a saint proof of miracles must be made before the church will elevate them to sainthood. Letting him know also that Pope John Paul II was just elevated towards sainthood most recently, then I explained Gwen, who she was what they shared and gave him a second class relic. Then I hung one over Scott's bed with a picture of the Holy Family that said "All For" this is the Apostolate motto meaning everything we do is for the Glory of God. Amazingly, the night before I was entering the hospital from the tunnel and came across a threshold above the entrance and had to pause to read the inscriptions "For the glory of God and the health of God's people." So hanging this little card above him just surrendered it all...ALL FOR.

Moments later a team of doctors entered the room with Dr. Reimers, he began with I know you two have concerns about the plan when we admitted Scott, and he went on for quite a while going over with the team and having them listen to Scott from the beginning of four years ago to present making sure they understood and we understood all the measures that have been taken. Of course I was holding my breath thinking when are they gone to make a move to start shrinking these tumors? He continued that his primary goal is to make Scott comfortable to manage pain. Then surprisingly he told us that if we read the report, I said YES you told me to study it (jokingly) but I did he continued in that report it says these findings are all suspicious I'm like YES YES. He continued that since they are suspicious we are not going to take a step back, make sure the findings are that of cancer, and wait until the lab has determined this is cancer. They could be in other areas then we suspected which could mean that treatments are less invasive. My thoughts "God has intervened!" What hope, we still have hope and he continued that he was going to release Scott and he will see him on Tuesday.

We couldn't believe it and Scott then mentioned Carrie you just hung up Gwen's card, on our way home we received a text from Katie saying "Mom I'm in class and the weirdest thing just happened my alarm went off and when I looked it was 3:00, I have never set my alarm for three I hope everything is OK." That texted arrived late but I went back to the phone call that I ignored while we had the doctors in the room it was at 2:54, so I knew that the doctors were present at three which is known by the church as divine Mercy hour, the hour that Christ died. We are at awe with the signs that we have seen and there are so many others from the morning leaving to the hospital up until now from the Blessed Virgin Mary to my own mother, God rest her soul, it just would take to long to share!

Also when checking my email last night I had a personal email from the Chaplain at Catholic familyland telling me to be assured that every Mass and all there prayers are being offered for Scott and our family, he was forwarded Scott's update. I really do believe that Gwen is working her and one more interesting thing, kind of humorous...Scott was so worried about his meals in the hospital he had asked the nurse who told him call the food preparations down stairs, when bringing up lunch he talked to the girl about the menu, this is such a man thing! Anyway we had to laugh when the girl delivering the tray said "Don't worry if you have any problems just call our head person down there she will set you up, her name is Gwen". I have to laugh thinking of Gwen Coniker, knowing that a mother of thirteen would want to have her children properly feed, not only spiritually but temporal too!

Even though we are still looming in the darkness we feel like some how God is moving, present and maybe just maybe ready to allow his Mercy to come through for a miracle, so we are asking that you share with us in prayer to storm heaven. That this would be a means to lift Gwen Coniker the co-founder of the Apostolate for Family Consecration to the heights of Sainthood for all eternity. We know that since the Vatican has allowed the relics to be distrusted that they are awaiting miracles to begin the process. Here is the site where you can download the prayer card and if you need to read about the Article on the official opening of Gwen's cause for Beatification it is there also. Just reading about her sacrifice to bringing the truth to God's people along with her husband is an amazing story, one of faith and hope for our world and don't we need that ever so much more now!!!

Thank you for all of your loving support and most of all YOUR PRAYS!

ALL FOR

Scott, Carrie & family

Frustrated!!!

2010-01-11T21:05:00.000-08:00

After two MRI's given on Thursday they revealed tumor growth in Scott's brain and near his spine. We are going tomorrow, Tuesday to find out treatment options from his onocolgist. So far we know that sugery and radiation are out, one hint of treatment was using a type epideral admission of chemotherpy and possibly some pills to get to the tumors in his brain.

Just last week Scott had a "good" report from his C-t scan, he was so happy that he texted many of our relatives telling them of the good news. But in that interview when his radologist asked Scott how he felt and that he had some concerns to look deeper with an MRI. We had no idea that this is what they would find, Scott thought he had just pulled a muscle. The only good news is the doctor said it was caught early.

It is so hard at times for me to watch Scott try to find a comfortable spot to lay or sit, before we thought it was something that would work it's way out, but now knowing it is cancer makes it very frustrating. I don't know why he has to go through so much? I get angry knowing what a kind and gentle husband, father and friend he has been to many. The evening that he was told we had a phone call that one of our elderly friends furnace had gone out, Scott said he promised them that he would be there for them. So he went, later I found out he had to go through a crawl space and lay on his back to fix the furnace. I knew that bye him going it took much off his mind but also the comfort from our friends was a blessing too.

Our older three now know what we are facing and we have decided to wait to tell the other four children. Our teenage girls really take bad news hard and I don't know how they will handle this? Just thinking about it gets me upset, so I think the longer we wait and get some outside help the better. We do have friends who have already offered to help in anyway possible I'm holding off till tomorrow to hear the plan then I will look at what I need in areas of help. Just getting a kid to PSR (religion classes) seems to be a choir for me or getting them to the doctor. I know these are common things but when you have this much weight of stress the little things become a burden, so I will be reaching out in areas like this.

Scott's spirits are good although he has expressed frustration and sorrow that he may cause by going through treatments again, I on the other hand feel the same way but that he has to go through this. WHY? It just doesn't make sense! At times I get so angry but I have no one to be angry with it is just anger, anger in the not knowing. Not knowing if the treatments will work, not knowing how long he can endure the chemo. But then I know I have to always have Hope and to believe that God is in contol and that this is all his will, so then I stand (a suggestion from a dear friend) there trying to feel his love trying to share that with my family.

I will try my hardest to keep you posted, I would like to share some pictures, stories and defently updates on Scott's progress. Thank you for being there in your thoughts and prayers.

I also want to say, I am thankful that we did make it through Thanksgiving and Christmas some what stress free, at least we celebrated thinking all his tumors were gone.

Hugs & Kisses,
Carrie

2009-10-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

Last week Scott finished 28 days of chest radiation he went through this better than expected with having only a little discomfort when swallowing. Although, he was tired most of the time due to the treatments. He has kept a very good out look through out it all while in treatments he has seemed to make some new friends, that's how he is!!!

Two weeks ago Sunday our daughter and niece put together a very nice benefit that raised enough money to carry us through the winter months. Many of our elementary, middle school and high school friends contacted on another and came to support us! It was so uplifting for Scott to see so many who cared.

Last week some of his buddies came over to grant one of his wishes, to build a wood playset for Jesse, Julie and his grandchildren. They completed it in two days, but the work seemed to knock him out. It was great to see Scott up and around for those couple of days and we thought his treatments were over, since his nurse didn't think he had any more scheduled. We were pretty excited about the free time ahead without having to run to the hospital.

Today, Scott saw his doctor who informed him that he would like to continue at least two more chemo treatments before his scheduled MRI or ct-scan next month. And he said his blood count was low which helped us understand why he is so tired. This latest news really got to us, we just want the treatments over!!! Scott is warn out from lying in bed, frustrated that he can't do more. Maybe bye Thanksgiving we will be through.

Over the last two weeks Scott has received many cards from sharecard (think that is what it is called), Michelle, owner of Paperthreads had enrolled Scott to receive cards of support. He enjoys opening each one and seeing the awesome work that others have put into the cards. He shares them with his friends when they drop bye and the kids just love helping him open!!!

I want to thank all the designers, the owner of Paperthreads and their customers who pitched in with a fundraiser for the past three months that allowed us to pay our mortgage and bills. Some of the customers sent in personal checks and want to remain unknown, we are ever so grateful! And our prayers go out to each and everyone who participated!!!

Sorry for such long delay in updating you! I have been fighting my own demons, depression! Never new the exhaustion of depression till last month but I know I'll make it!!! Knowing so many care really helps Thank you for your prayers and loving support.

God bless you!

Carrie

More treatments...

2009-08-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since the last post, I'm sorry that I haven't had a chance to keep you updated. Taking care of every one's needs have kept this women very busy, my children started school today with the house so quiet I thought I might catch you up to all that has happened and is planned for his treatment.

Three weeks ago we received good news that the cancer was shrinking in size, yet with that news they also informed us that this is a non-curable cancer which was pretty hard to take considering the type of cancer and the prognoses. Scott's oncologist thought it was time to let us know so that we can get things in order. To secure things like our home, auto's and such. I had a hard time asking him questions since I feel a frustrated that he didn't catch this sooner.

When we went to see his radiation oncologist I asked as much as I could about this news, what does it mean? What are his chance of living? He gave us some hard numbers saying that a vast percentage of patients with this type of cancer rarely live beyond three years. He continued to say that they don't track them closely so therefore they do not know if they died from a car accident, complications from an infection after treatment or the cancer coming back this is just statistics. Then he went on to say that some a small percentage have lived beyond the three years, this too is not clearly known why.

For some unknown reason Scott does not remember much of this conversation and as relatives asked him he said he did not hear any of it. Which maybe best since he needs to fight this with all of his will and stay as positive as he can. Since the news we have had so many good things to keep us busy, a wedding and then an unexpected trip.

Scott wasn't up to going to the wedding saying that he didn't want everyone feeling sorry for himself? He believed the focus should be on the celebration. I also know he was worried about his exposure to any illnesses which could be devastating. I went with my older two children, Jason and Katie. It was a gorgeous wedding and brought us much joy to see my foster brother getting married to such a wonderful girl and to see all the loving relatives. I enjoyed catching up with so many others who where apart of my youth. I missed Scott's presence ex specially when they played "You Look Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, that is the only song Scott ever danced with me, I just stepped outside.

Our unexpected trip- over the years the kids and I would attend the Holy Family fest at Catholic Familyland, this year I didn't believe we could go. But a dear friend, actually the lady who introduced me to the the Apostate sent a large donation right after they found Scott's cancer asking that they find room for us. When I called to check if they had made arrangements I was told that they were filled up. Then when I found out Scott's cancer was incurable I called Jackie almost ready to cry she said that is OK, we will get Scott up there for Gwen to heal him. Gwen is the co-founder of the Apostate who passed away and Rome is watching very closely for her beatification.

As the week approached I made several calls and there still wasn't any room but they were trying all avenues looking into near by homes or an RV, but then we heard back that those were also taken. We didn't think it was possible since they couldn't find a cabin or large enough accommodations for my family and Scott had his twenty eight days of treatments approaching, like in two days. They did offer to bump us up on the waiting list though. We also had Jennifer and Kristen going to and from the doctors with a type of strep, then Jesse broke his arm. Finally, that last Monday evening before the fest I called to let them know that their was no way we could go since Scott would be starting treatments the very next morning, I requested that they take us off the list. After dropping off Scott that morning I drove home with tears in my eyes knowing how difficult the month would be. As I began cleaning the house and sterilizing Scott called saying he can't go through the treatments since his white cells were to low. Before I left to pick him up I quickly called Jackie telling her this maybe an act from God, divine providence maybe if she called them and told them to put us on the list there might be a cancellation.

I picked up Scott from the hospital when we got home we both took a nap exhausted from all the anxieties. That afternoon I was woken by Kristen telling me that Jackie was on the phone, then I heard "Carrie, you are going get ready!" Oh my what Joy but then we had to worry about Scott's van which Jason had called over a week ago worried about the light that came on and the van stalling. Scott said it would be to costly, the service station told him at least five hundred dollars. That evening I asked Jason to get it to the shop which he did the very next morning, after they went over the van for four hours they came back saying they couldn't find anything wrong. So we packed and with in a three days we were off to the fest!

We had some worries before leaving, like what if Scott got sick there? What if another one of the kids came up with strep throat? But all the while I kept thinking God has opened up the doors to get us there he will keep us safe and he did! We had such a wonderful time, all of us had so much joy! The families that we were reunited with and the new families gave us so much comfort and of course hearing God's word of healing and suffering. They seem to go hand in hand don't they? One afternoon Scott, Julie, Jesse and I visited the crypt of Gwen's which was so peaceful. I don't know if he had a miraculous healing? Scott didn't want to interrupt the doctors plans for his treatments. I do know though that this trip gave us strength and an understanding that what ever happens he will be with us and that this cross that we bear is designed to bring about the best if we accept it. We arrived home late Saturday night with many mixed feelings about having to face so much unknown.

Today, Scott starts his twenty eight day of chemo concurrent with radiation to continue shrinking the tumors in his lymph node and lung. I can't help but feel mad and sad as I know what this will do to him and to me too! Having the responsibilities all on my shoulders gets overwhelming at times, and I know that it frustrates Scott that he is brought down to such a weak state that he can not be there for us fully. I will try to keep you more informed as we go through the next few weeks.

Thank you for all of your love and support!

Carrie

2009-06-30T11:29:00.001-07:00

We are down at the cancer center...Scott finished hus first round of three days of chemo last week. Each day he is finding a little more strenght, we are here since his ear keeps filling up with ffluid and causing pain, they plan on a c-t scan soon as they are drawing blood. His veins are brusing from the chemo with one spasing, the doctor will check that out too. He was told next round of chemo he will have to have a portal to receive. We feel very blessed that these ae the only effects so far...this morning Scott was a wake before me when I came out he was cooking everyone ham and eggs...a very nice surprise considering he has been in bed since tuesday...only waking for a couple hours.

Thanks for all your prayers and loving thoughts.

Hugs and kisses

carrie

Monday

2009-06-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last Friday Scott finished the whole brain radiation, over the weekend he began to lose his hair as it came out in chunks. The girls and I cringe every time he pulls out a chunk but he smiles saying "It's only hair." We are getting many calls and visitors, Julie and Jesse began baseball and t-ball practice this week. They have their first game Thursday, both of them love playing. Although, Julie gave us a hard time not really knowing if she would like it. Hopefully we can get Scott to see a game or two, he is tired most the time. The kids and I have joined a pool not to far away, so we have another place to get out this summer so that Scott has a quiet house to rest in. I can hop in the car and arrive home in ten minutes.

Today we saw his oncologist doctor- they are still concerned with the type of cancer they believe it is small cell but it has variables of another cancer. The treatment may differ depending on if it has spread from the lungs and lymph node, we will find this out in three weeks after his first round of chemo, then a MRI to see if it had spread and see how the cancer reacts to the chemo. His treatments begin on Tuesday for three days, but we will get a better plan tomorrow after they have a conference with the pathologist, radiologist and oncologist. It looks like either way he will have chemo treatments for twelve to eighteen weeks. It's a bit of a shock for Scott and I but what ever it takes!

I'm going to have to get the kids out of the house since they can't keep their voices down and he needs to sleep. We get so much comfort in knowing that you are praying for us.

Also, we learned a couple of weeks ago that my Paperthreads co-designers have put together a Vacation & Getaways Membership, in which some of the designers are creating files of five each to offer fifty files in the membership. We can't thank them enough for putting this together in our time of need. If you would like to read more about the membership which the money will go to help our family you can click on the link.

Thank you all for your concerns and prayers! It gives us much strength in knowing so many care.

God bless!

Hugs & kisses,
Carrie

Monday 7, 2009

2009-06-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

This morning Scott had a little bit harder time waking up, most likely due to his radiation treatments. He was welcomed by Lexi his two year old granddaughter who always brings a big smile to his face. We had breakfast then left for his sixth radiation treatment, knowing we would see his radiation oncologist afterwards. His treatment lasted five minutes as it radiates both sides of the brain. Scott considers it a blessing since we have met others who have much longer treatments.

Scott had gained thirteen pounds but when he told the doctor he wasn't impressed saying it was the steroids and we will begin to ween you off of them starting this week. He also told us that this next week the effects from the treatments will begin. He will experience more fatigue and start losing his hair. He was cautioned on being outside in the sun even for short periods since the sun can burn his skin. After this week he will have a week or two of rest then he will begin chemo treatments. I tried to get an answer about the chemo on the length but he once again told us his oncologist will inform us when we see him at that next appointment. Although he did give us a little hint when he mentioned that after his first month of treatment he will need an MRI before his next treatment begins. I figured that must mean he will have at least two months of chemo. After our visit we arrived home to a full household, with all the kids so we are now getting ready to go to the park to give dad some quiet time.

hugs and kisses to all!

Carrie

On May 11th news that changed our life...

2009-06-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

Well let me back up here a bit...four years ago Scott was diagnosed with first stage lung cancer. It seemed so devastating, everything took so long to get information, the type of cancer, the treatments, the test involved then finally surgery. Which was more than a success! Moments before they took Scott away to remove the cancer we were told only two things were possible when removing this cancer. One he would lose half a lobe or two the whole lobe it all depended on the position of the tumor.

After a four hour surgery the surgeon came out he walked straight up to me and said "I tried something new, it worked and was a success, Scott still has his lung." then he turned and left the room. I couldn't believe what he had said as I shared the news with the family we rejoiced yet we had no idea what the surgeon actually did. Later, at Scott's first check up the surgeon explained that he tried something new, to split the lung, remove the tumor and fuse it back...that was his success and it made a huge difference in Scott's recovery. With in a couple of months Scott was back out working, although he experienced chronic pain.

For the next four years Scott visited his oncologist on a regular bases. He had one ct-scan early on but could not afford the many others that his doctor was wanting. At his check ups he would have a chest x-ray and blood work, which everything looked good. As of March this year his oncologist dismissed Scott saying he was cancer free. We were all celebrating the good news.

Shortly after the news our family had a bad cold come through the house, the kind that effects the sinuses. Scott and our oldest son Jason had it for the longest but with Scott's "bad" cold he had mild headaches and as he started feeling better from the cold the head aches seemed to stay.
We then thought he had a sinus infection so he tried some over the counter meds. over the next couple of weeks his headaches continued. He would put in a full day of work to find that when he got home he was exhausted so he would sleep. The headaches remained and another wave of spring sickness came through, it was so hard to determine that the headaches were from another source.

On May 11th Scott woke that morning telling me he needs to go to the hospital, he said his head felt like it was going to split open and then he started vomiting. As I prepared to get one of the older kids home the phone rang and it was Jennifer's school wanting to know where she was. When I checked her room she was laying in bed with a terrible headache saying she felt as if she was going to vomit. I began to wonder if we had the swine flu? I made an appointment with Jennifer's pediatrician for that evening and waited for Katie to arrive as she cut her college exam short.

When we arrived at the hospital I saw a young man holding his head and vomiting so I really began to worry that the swine flu was here. The hospital staff moved quickly to isolate us. With in a few minutes they were taking Scott's vitals when the doctor came in the room she immediately said she did not think he had the flu, since their was no fever. She ordered a ct-scan on Scott because of his history with cancer, then asked the nurse to give Scott morphine. I really began to worry but I didn't allow my thoughts to go to far waiting to find out what they had found. With in an hour the doctor came back and told us they saw a mass in the ct-scan and had called to have Scott transported to St. Louis University hospital. We called our oldest son to let him know what we had just found out and he arrived with in a half an hour with his girlfriend.

I then left with Andrea to go home to get Scott's personal belongings and to tell the other children. I was full of so many emotions on that drive home it felt like hours to get there and when I arrived and Katie didn't see dad she knew something serious had happened. As for Jennifer up stairs, I figured it was her migraines and called to cancel her appointment making sure she got her rescue medicine. From their on I kept close time to when she needed it next.

By that evening Scott was being transported to SLU followed by family and friends who had already gathered. He was feeling good at this time since they had given him so much morphine, I could hear him talking to the paramedic in the back.

As the news spread that evening a flood of family and friends started coming to visit, in his room at one time I counted fifteen of us all around his bed. We heard the door open as I saw the nurse walk behind the curtains of the patient next to Scott. We assumed we would get in trouble for having so many in his room, so we all stood still holding our breath. Finally, the nurse popped out from behind the curtains saying "Hi Family!" What a cute way to help us feel comfortable, from then on no one said a word about the many visitors. And the next day they let Scott take walks with us.

The next day Scott had all kinds of test, the doctors were worried why the mass in the brain? They assumed he must have lung cancer again. After a MRI they discovered a mass in his other lung and lobe, which was surprising that he had this cancer in the right lung not in the left. AS they shared their plans with us it became clear that the mass in his brain was most critical and that they had to remove it rather quickly. We then knew it was a matter of a couple of days before surgery and from the surgery they could get a biopsy. But before they needed one from the right lung.

That evening we met with the most humble brain surgeon. He stood before all of us in a crowded room presenting his plan but he made sure that we were all understanding that he was only a tool, that God above was the master of life and death and that it was his decision on the success of the surgery. I stood their in total disbelief that we would have such a surgeon by our side, some how I knew God had waited for this moment that we could have him. Everyone was at ease when he left all feeling as if we knew this was going to be successful.

On Friday Scott had surgery it was so hard to say good bye I felt like I shared him with so many and we didn't have any time since the moment we arrived at the emergency room. They rolled him down a stretcher and I waved as he went into the elevator. We then were told to wait on the third floor in the surgery waiting room, once I got settled down there a nurse came out asking for me. She said Scott wants you back here with him. When I saw him, he said we didn't have any time for our selves since this whole thing started, will you stay with me until they put me under. Of course I would! It was such a delicate time as we faced life and death once again, our love shinned through. We laughed, we cried and we told each other how special each one was to the other, knowing we were never perfect but we knew we tried. I told him he couldn't leave me for he was the only person who ever really understood and loved me. He said he wouldn't!

The surgery was expected to last six to twelve hours. By eleven I was tired and the staff had provided a private room for us. Everyone left to find lunch as I laid down on a couch falling asleep. It seemed like just a few moments later I was being woken and told I was wanted on the phone. When I answered I was told the surgeon was finished and closing up Scott that he would be out to speak to us with in an hour. I began making phone calls for everyone to come back, telling them with disbelief that they were about finished. Very close to an hour later our humble surgeon came to tell us how successful the surgery was, saying that the tumor just seemed to fall right out in one piece. We all cheered and clapped as he gently gave a gesture of bow and left the room. Another miracle...surgery lasting four hours!

~~~~~~
I will finish my update tomorrow as it is getting late...

hugs & kisses

Carrie