Last week Scott had a MRI that showed numerous tumors have shrunk, were they could actually count up to twelve still in the brain. It also revealed one tumor has grown from 9.3 mm to 12.5 mm, this tumor is in a highly sensitive area where they are planning to treat with Cyber Knife. He will also undergo more chemotherapy starting Tuesday, September 14th, much of this is wearing on Scott as he is drained of energy but he continues to say "He will do what is necessary to be here for his wife and children."
Scott has show such strength as we have witnessed the affects of chemo! The kids call him there "Hero", I wonder how he does it! So often after a treatment he feels flu like symptoms and will be "out of it for days!" What is remarkable is as soon as he can he feels a little strength he is up to tackle some task, like mowing the lawn or cleaning and organizing a room or taking the kids to one of there events, only to face with in a day or two more chemo.
He doesn't think of himself, he is always wondering what he can do to help our life be better. He fights to surrender so that we don't have such a burden if he were to pass. Scott has stated how much he loves our family and that he doesn't want us to have to suffer. He hates the fact that we are taking care of him, I suppose this is also deep with in a man that instinct to provide for his family.
I have found much more peace in all of this where last year I felt as if I was falling apart and what scarred me most was how would I handle it if I were to lose my husband? I do in some sense feel as if are dreams are lost or should I say the dreams we have, but in some ways we now have bigger dreams and that is for a miracle. We can never give up that hope!
We are surrounded by very loving family & friends with the same hope that we have and we appreciate all the love that we have been shown by others, like taking our children out, or a dinner here or there, or words of comfort, the list goes on and on. We appreciate some of the agencies that have paid for our utilities to remain on and family members who have paid for our van to be fixed when we had no transportation.
This past August "Dream Foundation" raised enough money for our family to get to the 2010 Family Fest at Catholic Familyland, where one of their beneficiaries had already paid for our cabin. It would have been horrible to miss out. Two weeks before we had no idea how we would go, with a car broken down and no way to pay for the gas then suddenly everything worked out and we were able to go and enjoy the week as a family. Our granddaughter Lorelei was able to go with us too, which made the week even better.
Again thank you everyone for your loving support!
Carrie
Monday, September 13, 2010
Home - Faith Hope & Love Cancer Benefit
Just wanted to share the website our oldest daughter, Katie has created for Scott & our family.
She put together a benefit last year in September that helped us pay for medicine, medical bills & our household bills so that
I could focus on caring for Scott and our four children.
Home - Faith Hope & Love Cancer Benefit
With great appreciation for the love, concern and prayers that we have received.
Carrie
She put together a benefit last year in September that helped us pay for medicine, medical bills & our household bills so that
I could focus on caring for Scott and our four children.
Home - Faith Hope & Love Cancer Benefit
With great appreciation for the love, concern and prayers that we have received.
Carrie
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Delayed but that might be just what we needed...
Scott’s procedure was cancelled minutes before beginning the surgeon was called to the emergency room. Looks like Monday morning 9:00, some what relieved as his pain medication just kicked in today hated to see him go through more. Tuesday chemo is scheduled still.
We have the weekend to rest up and we will certainly do that! Thank you for your prayers and concerns.
Carrie
We have the weekend to rest up and we will certainly do that! Thank you for your prayers and concerns.
Carrie
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Scott is getting a portal tomorrow since his veins can no longer handle chemo, the procedure will take about one to one half hours, then he will be in recovery for an hour or two, after that he will come home. Tuesday he should begin the chemo which the doctors say will shrink the tumors for comfort I will try to get more posted here tonight.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Better News...
Just heard from Scott's oncologist...the tumors are NOT in his spinal fluid...the treatments will be four rounds of chemo with eight days in between each dose...they will do another MRI after this round...so thankful for the better news here...
Stepping back
On Wednesday Scott was admitted to SLU (St. Louis University), with the intentions to get samples of spinal fluid and inject chemo/steroids into the flow of fluids. They also had informed us that they would be waiting for a team of Neurologist to insert a reservoir into his brain and puncture a whole through the skull to have access for medication to keep the tumors down. I was given the report from the MRI's and something that kept jumping out to me was how it was written saying these small spots were suspicious.
Scott's attitude was great saying what ever it takes, as we questioned how risky these procedures where we got shrugging shoulders from the oncologist as I would reply what he has is much more risky. In the afternoon one of the oncologist on staff came in with an intern to get the spinal fluid, they did this at his bedside, as I held Scott's hand, I heard them say "we have enough now let's get the needle out" My reply was have you injected them medicine? The two doctors looked at one another surprised and said "we haven't confirmed these are cancer cells. From that moment on I couldn't help but think WHY his oncologist would tell us it is so important to get the steroids and chemo going to shrink the tumors. Even trying to sleep this was heavily on my thoughts. Along with WHY does he have to stay in the hospital to wait for a few days till the team comes together for the reservoir to be inserted? My mission on Thursday was to advocate for Scott and get to the hospital as soon as possible.
Thursday morning I put in a call to speak to his oncologist was told he was on his floor, so I ran to the hospital. Two blocks from there I received a phone call from my "spiritual mother" who said she woke this morning turned on EWTN and there was a show all about terminal cancer patients being held by the intercession of a Priest, she said don't you give up you need to storm the heavens, you need to get everyone praying that GWEN CONIKER will heel him, you need you children to pick up her cards as often as possible and I will start emailing the Apostolate and as many members as I can, I told her how I had a stake full of second class relics from Gwen with me to leave at Scott's bedside. My sister called while entering the hospital and I sat across from the gigantic statue of St. Louis, hearing her words as she too wanted me to know that they are praying and asking intercession, once she heard what Jackie had told me she too was going to the Apostolate site to download Gwen's prayer card and email it to everyone she knows.
When I walked into she Scott I was so full of renewed hope, amazing how the spirit of hope can give on such strength I gave him such a hopeful kiss with a big smile and he smiled back with hopeful eyes, nothing was mentioned about what I had just heard. I then made the call to the head nurse that we are very confused about the treatments we were told and we would like to speak to Dr. Reimers about this. She let us know that he would be in shortly. Scott then told me that Dr. Benidictine Bereno was going to do the procedure but he had clinic that day and would let him know when he would be there, so then I just figured he would get to it by that afternoon or that morning. I told Scott what Jackie had said and that we must move forward with getting him baptized, he informed me that he already spoke with Monsignor from our Parish. Then I told him all the rest that she said and he let me know that he too felt that way.
We rested and visited with his room mate as his room mate started telling me what he had I couldn't believe it! He had the exact disease that Gwen had, Hepatitis that turned to Siroccos then cancer, it made me pull out her card I explained to him how Saints go through a beatification that they need three miracles, I explained that even though we all believe Mother Teresa was a saint proof of miracles must be made before the church will elevate them to sainthood. Letting him know also that Pope John Paul II was just elevated towards sainthood most recently, then I explained Gwen, who she was what they shared and gave him a second class relic. Then I hung one over Scott's bed with a picture of the Holy Family that said "All For" this is the Apostolate motto meaning everything we do is for the Glory of God. Amazingly, the night before I was entering the hospital from the tunnel and came across a threshold above the entrance and had to pause to read the inscriptions "For the glory of God and the health of God's people." So hanging this little card above him just surrendered it all...ALL FOR.
Moments later a team of doctors entered the room with Dr. Reimers, he began with I know you two have concerns about the plan when we admitted Scott, and he went on for quite a while going over with the team and having them listen to Scott from the beginning of four years ago to present making sure they understood and we understood all the measures that have been taken. Of course I was holding my breath thinking when are they gone to make a move to start shrinking these tumors? He continued that his primary goal is to make Scott comfortable to manage pain. Then surprisingly he told us that if we read the report, I said YES you told me to study it (jokingly) but I did he continued in that report it says these findings are all suspicious I'm like YES YES. He continued that since they are suspicious we are not going to take a step back, make sure the findings are that of cancer, and wait until the lab has determined this is cancer. They could be in other areas then we suspected which could mean that treatments are less invasive. My thoughts "God has intervened!" What hope, we still have hope and he continued that he was going to release Scott and he will see him on Tuesday.
We couldn't believe it and Scott then mentioned Carrie you just hung up Gwen's card, on our way home we received a text from Katie saying "Mom I'm in class and the weirdest thing just happened my alarm went off and when I looked it was 3:00, I have never set my alarm for three I hope everything is OK." That texted arrived late but I went back to the phone call that I ignored while we had the doctors in the room it was at 2:54, so I knew that the doctors were present at three which is known by the church as divine Mercy hour, the hour that Christ died. We are at awe with the signs that we have seen and there are so many others from the morning leaving to the hospital up until now from the Blessed Virgin Mary to my own mother, God rest her soul, it just would take to long to share!
Also when checking my email last night I had a personal email from the Chaplain at Catholic familyland telling me to be assured that every Mass and all there prayers are being offered for Scott and our family, he was forwarded Scott's update. I really do believe that Gwen is working her and one more interesting thing, kind of humorous...Scott was so worried about his meals in the hospital he had asked the nurse who told him call the food preparations down stairs, when bringing up lunch he talked to the girl about the menu, this is such a man thing! Anyway we had to laugh when the girl delivering the tray said "Don't worry if you have any problems just call our head person down there she will set you up, her name is Gwen". I have to laugh thinking of Gwen Coniker, knowing that a mother of thirteen would want to have her children properly feed, not only spiritually but temporal too!
Even though we are still looming in the darkness we feel like some how God is moving, present and maybe just maybe ready to allow his Mercy to come through for a miracle, so we are asking that you share with us in prayer to storm heaven. That this would be a means to lift Gwen Coniker the co-founder of the Apostolate for Family Consecration to the heights of Sainthood for all eternity. We know that since the Vatican has allowed the relics to be distrusted that they are awaiting miracles to begin the process. Here is the site where you can download the prayer card and if you need to read about the Article on the official opening of Gwen's cause for Beatification it is there also. Just reading about her sacrifice to bringing the truth to God's people along with her husband is an amazing story, one of faith and hope for our world and don't we need that ever so much more now!!!
Thank you for all of your loving support and most of all YOUR PRAYS!
ALL FOR
Scott, Carrie & family
Scott's attitude was great saying what ever it takes, as we questioned how risky these procedures where we got shrugging shoulders from the oncologist as I would reply what he has is much more risky. In the afternoon one of the oncologist on staff came in with an intern to get the spinal fluid, they did this at his bedside, as I held Scott's hand, I heard them say "we have enough now let's get the needle out" My reply was have you injected them medicine? The two doctors looked at one another surprised and said "we haven't confirmed these are cancer cells. From that moment on I couldn't help but think WHY his oncologist would tell us it is so important to get the steroids and chemo going to shrink the tumors. Even trying to sleep this was heavily on my thoughts. Along with WHY does he have to stay in the hospital to wait for a few days till the team comes together for the reservoir to be inserted? My mission on Thursday was to advocate for Scott and get to the hospital as soon as possible.
Thursday morning I put in a call to speak to his oncologist was told he was on his floor, so I ran to the hospital. Two blocks from there I received a phone call from my "spiritual mother" who said she woke this morning turned on EWTN and there was a show all about terminal cancer patients being held by the intercession of a Priest, she said don't you give up you need to storm the heavens, you need to get everyone praying that GWEN CONIKER will heel him, you need you children to pick up her cards as often as possible and I will start emailing the Apostolate and as many members as I can, I told her how I had a stake full of second class relics from Gwen with me to leave at Scott's bedside. My sister called while entering the hospital and I sat across from the gigantic statue of St. Louis, hearing her words as she too wanted me to know that they are praying and asking intercession, once she heard what Jackie had told me she too was going to the Apostolate site to download Gwen's prayer card and email it to everyone she knows.
When I walked into she Scott I was so full of renewed hope, amazing how the spirit of hope can give on such strength I gave him such a hopeful kiss with a big smile and he smiled back with hopeful eyes, nothing was mentioned about what I had just heard. I then made the call to the head nurse that we are very confused about the treatments we were told and we would like to speak to Dr. Reimers about this. She let us know that he would be in shortly. Scott then told me that Dr. Benidictine Bereno was going to do the procedure but he had clinic that day and would let him know when he would be there, so then I just figured he would get to it by that afternoon or that morning. I told Scott what Jackie had said and that we must move forward with getting him baptized, he informed me that he already spoke with Monsignor from our Parish. Then I told him all the rest that she said and he let me know that he too felt that way.
We rested and visited with his room mate as his room mate started telling me what he had I couldn't believe it! He had the exact disease that Gwen had, Hepatitis that turned to Siroccos then cancer, it made me pull out her card I explained to him how Saints go through a beatification that they need three miracles, I explained that even though we all believe Mother Teresa was a saint proof of miracles must be made before the church will elevate them to sainthood. Letting him know also that Pope John Paul II was just elevated towards sainthood most recently, then I explained Gwen, who she was what they shared and gave him a second class relic. Then I hung one over Scott's bed with a picture of the Holy Family that said "All For" this is the Apostolate motto meaning everything we do is for the Glory of God. Amazingly, the night before I was entering the hospital from the tunnel and came across a threshold above the entrance and had to pause to read the inscriptions "For the glory of God and the health of God's people." So hanging this little card above him just surrendered it all...ALL FOR.
Moments later a team of doctors entered the room with Dr. Reimers, he began with I know you two have concerns about the plan when we admitted Scott, and he went on for quite a while going over with the team and having them listen to Scott from the beginning of four years ago to present making sure they understood and we understood all the measures that have been taken. Of course I was holding my breath thinking when are they gone to make a move to start shrinking these tumors? He continued that his primary goal is to make Scott comfortable to manage pain. Then surprisingly he told us that if we read the report, I said YES you told me to study it (jokingly) but I did he continued in that report it says these findings are all suspicious I'm like YES YES. He continued that since they are suspicious we are not going to take a step back, make sure the findings are that of cancer, and wait until the lab has determined this is cancer. They could be in other areas then we suspected which could mean that treatments are less invasive. My thoughts "God has intervened!" What hope, we still have hope and he continued that he was going to release Scott and he will see him on Tuesday.
We couldn't believe it and Scott then mentioned Carrie you just hung up Gwen's card, on our way home we received a text from Katie saying "Mom I'm in class and the weirdest thing just happened my alarm went off and when I looked it was 3:00, I have never set my alarm for three I hope everything is OK." That texted arrived late but I went back to the phone call that I ignored while we had the doctors in the room it was at 2:54, so I knew that the doctors were present at three which is known by the church as divine Mercy hour, the hour that Christ died. We are at awe with the signs that we have seen and there are so many others from the morning leaving to the hospital up until now from the Blessed Virgin Mary to my own mother, God rest her soul, it just would take to long to share!
Also when checking my email last night I had a personal email from the Chaplain at Catholic familyland telling me to be assured that every Mass and all there prayers are being offered for Scott and our family, he was forwarded Scott's update. I really do believe that Gwen is working her and one more interesting thing, kind of humorous...Scott was so worried about his meals in the hospital he had asked the nurse who told him call the food preparations down stairs, when bringing up lunch he talked to the girl about the menu, this is such a man thing! Anyway we had to laugh when the girl delivering the tray said "Don't worry if you have any problems just call our head person down there she will set you up, her name is Gwen". I have to laugh thinking of Gwen Coniker, knowing that a mother of thirteen would want to have her children properly feed, not only spiritually but temporal too!
Even though we are still looming in the darkness we feel like some how God is moving, present and maybe just maybe ready to allow his Mercy to come through for a miracle, so we are asking that you share with us in prayer to storm heaven. That this would be a means to lift Gwen Coniker the co-founder of the Apostolate for Family Consecration to the heights of Sainthood for all eternity. We know that since the Vatican has allowed the relics to be distrusted that they are awaiting miracles to begin the process. Here is the site where you can download the prayer card and if you need to read about the Article on the official opening of Gwen's cause for Beatification it is there also. Just reading about her sacrifice to bringing the truth to God's people along with her husband is an amazing story, one of faith and hope for our world and don't we need that ever so much more now!!!
Thank you for all of your loving support and most of all YOUR PRAYS!
ALL FOR
Scott, Carrie & family
Monday, January 11, 2010
Frustrated!!!
After two MRI's given on Thursday they revealed tumor growth in Scott's brain and near his spine. We are going tomorrow, Tuesday to find out treatment options from his onocolgist. So far we know that sugery and radiation are out, one hint of treatment was using a type epideral admission of chemotherpy and possibly some pills to get to the tumors in his brain.
Just last week Scott had a "good" report from his C-t scan, he was so happy that he texted many of our relatives telling them of the good news. But in that interview when his radologist asked Scott how he felt and that he had some concerns to look deeper with an MRI. We had no idea that this is what they would find, Scott thought he had just pulled a muscle. The only good news is the doctor said it was caught early.
It is so hard at times for me to watch Scott try to find a comfortable spot to lay or sit, before we thought it was something that would work it's way out, but now knowing it is cancer makes it very frustrating. I don't know why he has to go through so much? I get angry knowing what a kind and gentle husband, father and friend he has been to many. The evening that he was told we had a phone call that one of our elderly friends furnace had gone out, Scott said he promised them that he would be there for them. So he went, later I found out he had to go through a crawl space and lay on his back to fix the furnace. I knew that bye him going it took much off his mind but also the comfort from our friends was a blessing too.
Our older three now know what we are facing and we have decided to wait to tell the other four children. Our teenage girls really take bad news hard and I don't know how they will handle this? Just thinking about it gets me upset, so I think the longer we wait and get some outside help the better. We do have friends who have already offered to help in anyway possible I'm holding off till tomorrow to hear the plan then I will look at what I need in areas of help. Just getting a kid to PSR (religion classes) seems to be a choir for me or getting them to the doctor. I know these are common things but when you have this much weight of stress the little things become a burden, so I will be reaching out in areas like this.
Scott's spirits are good although he has expressed frustration and sorrow that he may cause by going through treatments again, I on the other hand feel the same way but that he has to go through this. WHY? It just doesn't make sense! At times I get so angry but I have no one to be angry with it is just anger, anger in the not knowing. Not knowing if the treatments will work, not knowing how long he can endure the chemo. But then I know I have to always have Hope and to believe that God is in contol and that this is all his will, so then I stand (a suggestion from a dear friend) there trying to feel his love trying to share that with my family.
I will try my hardest to keep you posted, I would like to share some pictures, stories and defently updates on Scott's progress. Thank you for being there in your thoughts and prayers.
I also want to say, I am thankful that we did make it through Thanksgiving and Christmas some what stress free, at least we celebrated thinking all his tumors were gone.
Hugs & Kisses,
Carrie
Just last week Scott had a "good" report from his C-t scan, he was so happy that he texted many of our relatives telling them of the good news. But in that interview when his radologist asked Scott how he felt and that he had some concerns to look deeper with an MRI. We had no idea that this is what they would find, Scott thought he had just pulled a muscle. The only good news is the doctor said it was caught early.
It is so hard at times for me to watch Scott try to find a comfortable spot to lay or sit, before we thought it was something that would work it's way out, but now knowing it is cancer makes it very frustrating. I don't know why he has to go through so much? I get angry knowing what a kind and gentle husband, father and friend he has been to many. The evening that he was told we had a phone call that one of our elderly friends furnace had gone out, Scott said he promised them that he would be there for them. So he went, later I found out he had to go through a crawl space and lay on his back to fix the furnace. I knew that bye him going it took much off his mind but also the comfort from our friends was a blessing too.
Our older three now know what we are facing and we have decided to wait to tell the other four children. Our teenage girls really take bad news hard and I don't know how they will handle this? Just thinking about it gets me upset, so I think the longer we wait and get some outside help the better. We do have friends who have already offered to help in anyway possible I'm holding off till tomorrow to hear the plan then I will look at what I need in areas of help. Just getting a kid to PSR (religion classes) seems to be a choir for me or getting them to the doctor. I know these are common things but when you have this much weight of stress the little things become a burden, so I will be reaching out in areas like this.
Scott's spirits are good although he has expressed frustration and sorrow that he may cause by going through treatments again, I on the other hand feel the same way but that he has to go through this. WHY? It just doesn't make sense! At times I get so angry but I have no one to be angry with it is just anger, anger in the not knowing. Not knowing if the treatments will work, not knowing how long he can endure the chemo. But then I know I have to always have Hope and to believe that God is in contol and that this is all his will, so then I stand (a suggestion from a dear friend) there trying to feel his love trying to share that with my family.
I will try my hardest to keep you posted, I would like to share some pictures, stories and defently updates on Scott's progress. Thank you for being there in your thoughts and prayers.
I also want to say, I am thankful that we did make it through Thanksgiving and Christmas some what stress free, at least we celebrated thinking all his tumors were gone.
Hugs & Kisses,
Carrie
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