So much has happened since the last post, I'm sorry that I haven't had a chance to keep you updated. Taking care of every one's needs have kept this women very busy, my children started school today with the house so quiet I thought I might catch you up to all that has happened and is planned for his treatment.
Three weeks ago we received good news that the cancer was shrinking in size, yet with that news they also informed us that this is a non-curable cancer which was pretty hard to take considering the type of cancer and the prognoses. Scott's oncologist thought it was time to let us know so that we can get things in order. To secure things like our home, auto's and such. I had a hard time asking him questions since I feel a frustrated that he didn't catch this sooner.
When we went to see his radiation oncologist I asked as much as I could about this news, what does it mean? What are his chance of living? He gave us some hard numbers saying that a vast percentage of patients with this type of cancer rarely live beyond three years. He continued to say that they don't track them closely so therefore they do not know if they died from a car accident, complications from an infection after treatment or the cancer coming back this is just statistics. Then he went on to say that some a small percentage have lived beyond the three years, this too is not clearly known why.
For some unknown reason Scott does not remember much of this conversation and as relatives asked him he said he did not hear any of it. Which maybe best since he needs to fight this with all of his will and stay as positive as he can. Since the news we have had so many good things to keep us busy, a wedding and then an unexpected trip.
Scott wasn't up to going to the wedding saying that he didn't want everyone feeling sorry for himself? He believed the focus should be on the celebration. I also know he was worried about his exposure to any illnesses which could be devastating. I went with my older two children, Jason and Katie. It was a gorgeous wedding and brought us much joy to see my foster brother getting married to such a wonderful girl and to see all the loving relatives. I enjoyed catching up with so many others who where apart of my youth. I missed Scott's presence ex specially when they played "You Look Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton, that is the only song Scott ever danced with me, I just stepped outside.
Our unexpected trip- over the years the kids and I would attend the Holy Family fest at Catholic Familyland, this year I didn't believe we could go. But a dear friend, actually the lady who introduced me to the the Apostate sent a large donation right after they found Scott's cancer asking that they find room for us. When I called to check if they had made arrangements I was told that they were filled up. Then when I found out Scott's cancer was incurable I called Jackie almost ready to cry she said that is OK, we will get Scott up there for Gwen to heal him. Gwen is the co-founder of the Apostate who passed away and Rome is watching very closely for her beatification.
As the week approached I made several calls and there still wasn't any room but they were trying all avenues looking into near by homes or an RV, but then we heard back that those were also taken. We didn't think it was possible since they couldn't find a cabin or large enough accommodations for my family and Scott had his twenty eight days of treatments approaching, like in two days. They did offer to bump us up on the waiting list though. We also had Jennifer and Kristen going to and from the doctors with a type of strep, then Jesse broke his arm. Finally, that last Monday evening before the fest I called to let them know that their was no way we could go since Scott would be starting treatments the very next morning, I requested that they take us off the list. After dropping off Scott that morning I drove home with tears in my eyes knowing how difficult the month would be. As I began cleaning the house and sterilizing Scott called saying he can't go through the treatments since his white cells were to low. Before I left to pick him up I quickly called Jackie telling her this maybe an act from God, divine providence maybe if she called them and told them to put us on the list there might be a cancellation.
I picked up Scott from the hospital when we got home we both took a nap exhausted from all the anxieties. That afternoon I was woken by Kristen telling me that Jackie was on the phone, then I heard "Carrie, you are going get ready!" Oh my what Joy but then we had to worry about Scott's van which Jason had called over a week ago worried about the light that came on and the van stalling. Scott said it would be to costly, the service station told him at least five hundred dollars. That evening I asked Jason to get it to the shop which he did the very next morning, after they went over the van for four hours they came back saying they couldn't find anything wrong. So we packed and with in a three days we were off to the fest!
We had some worries before leaving, like what if Scott got sick there? What if another one of the kids came up with strep throat? But all the while I kept thinking God has opened up the doors to get us there he will keep us safe and he did! We had such a wonderful time, all of us had so much joy! The families that we were reunited with and the new families gave us so much comfort and of course hearing God's word of healing and suffering. They seem to go hand in hand don't they? One afternoon Scott, Julie, Jesse and I visited the crypt of Gwen's which was so peaceful. I don't know if he had a miraculous healing? Scott didn't want to interrupt the doctors plans for his treatments. I do know though that this trip gave us strength and an understanding that what ever happens he will be with us and that this cross that we bear is designed to bring about the best if we accept it. We arrived home late Saturday night with many mixed feelings about having to face so much unknown.
Today, Scott starts his twenty eight day of chemo concurrent with radiation to continue shrinking the tumors in his lymph node and lung. I can't help but feel mad and sad as I know what this will do to him and to me too! Having the responsibilities all on my shoulders gets overwhelming at times, and I know that it frustrates Scott that he is brought down to such a weak state that he can not be there for us fully. I will try to keep you more informed as we go through the next few weeks.
Thank you for all of your love and support!
Carrie
