Frustrated!!!

After two MRI's given on Thursday they revealed tumor growth in Scott's brain and near his spine.  We are going tomorrow, Tuesday to find out treatment options from his onocolgist.  So far we know that sugery and radiation are out, one hint of treatment was using a type epideral admission of chemotherpy and possibly some pills to get to the tumors in his brain. 

Just last week Scott had a "good" report from his C-t scan, he was so happy that he texted many of our relatives telling them of the good news.  But in that interview when his radologist asked Scott how he felt and that he had some concerns to look deeper with an MRI.  We had no idea that this is what they would find, Scott thought he had just pulled a muscle. The only good news is the doctor said it was caught early.

It is so hard at times for me to watch Scott try to find a comfortable spot to lay or sit, before we thought it was something that would work it's way out, but now knowing it is cancer makes it very frustrating.  I don't know why he has to go through so much?  I get angry knowing what a kind and gentle husband, father and friend he has been to many.  The evening that he was told we had a phone call that one of our elderly friends furnace had gone out, Scott said he promised them that he would be there for them.  So he went, later I found out he had to go through a crawl space and lay on his back to fix the furnace.  I knew that bye him going it took much off his mind but also the comfort from our friends was a blessing too. 

Our older three now know what we are facing and we have decided to wait to tell the other four children. Our teenage girls really take bad news hard and I don't know how they will handle this?  Just thinking about it gets me upset, so I think the longer we wait and get some outside help the better.  We do have friends who have already offered to help in anyway possible I'm holding off till tomorrow to hear the plan then I will look at what I need in areas of help.  Just getting a kid to PSR (religion classes) seems to be a choir for me or getting them to the doctor.  I know these are common things but when you have this much weight of stress the little things become a burden, so I will be reaching out in areas like this.

Scott's spirits are good although he has expressed frustration and sorrow that he may cause by going through treatments again, I on the other hand feel the same way but that he has to go through this.  WHY?  It just doesn't make sense!  At times I get so angry but I have no one to be angry with it is just anger, anger in the not knowing.  Not knowing if the treatments will work, not knowing how long he can endure the chemo.  But then I know I have to always have Hope and to believe that God is in contol and that this is all his will, so then I stand (a suggestion from a dear friend) there trying to feel his love trying to share that with my family.

I will try my hardest to keep you posted, I would like to share some pictures, stories and defently updates on Scott's progress.  Thank you for being there in your thoughts and prayers. 

I also want to say, I am thankful that we did make it through Thanksgiving and Christmas some what stress free, at least we celebrated thinking all his tumors were gone. 

Hugs & Kisses,
Carrie